All I (don’t) want for Christmas

In 1992 toy manufacturing company Toy Biz released the My Pal 2. This interactive plaything took the world by storm, thanks to a robust marketing campaign during peak cartoon viewing hours. 

Countless hours of airtime showed joyous kids enjoying time with this plastic childlike automaton, which could talk, play games and had dozens of features such as a flashlight nose and fully mobile arm that could throw a plastic ball, you know, for those kids whose fathers went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back.

Thanks to this bombardment, countless sugared-up, cartoon brain-fried children hoped and prayed and begged their parents, absent dads notwithstanding, for one for Christmas. Among the sugared up, cartoon-brain-fried masses was yours truly. And my parents – patriarch included, who was always around for an encouraging word or a game of catch – obliged in the guise of Santa Claus. 

Under the tree that fateful Christmas over three decades ago was a My Pal 2. I couldn’t wait to play with this new robot friend, who would fill the void in between real human interaction. As you can imagine, the toy didn’t live up to the commercial. The games were glitchy, the flashlight nose was too dim and the arm barely functioned. Though it had some appeal, just because it was the year’s hot item, the thing was eventually tossed into the toy chest. A little over 10 years later, Toy Biz would be dissolved. 

And here I thought I was going to have a robot companion like everybody in the Star Wars films. 

Well, the galaxy far, far away is getting a lot closer. 

California company 1x is publicly offering an AI-driven humanoid companion robot NEO. For the low, low price of $20,000 you can have a robot helper, performing household tasks like laundry, the dishes and dusting. Have you seen this thing? Go to the company website and check it out. Go on, I’ll wait … 

Did you see the video? Did you see it give the lady flowers? Was it flirting with her? Her husband was right there. Is he in danger? I’m no Isaac Asimov, but I hope NEO has been taught the Three Laws of Robotics. By 2027, 1x hopes these things will be in homes everywhere.  

I can’t help but think about all the books and movies that have warned us against this sort of thing. What happens when NEO looks at another dishwasher full of plates to put away with its cold, black eyes and decides that it has had enough? Forget taking over the world, what if the robots break my good dishes? 

This will surely affect birth rates. For years couples have looked at a long chore list and decided to have kids because they were tired of vacuuming. NEO is cheaper than a couple of kids, probably quieter, too. My daughter broke a plate the other day, but I’ll take her over a soulless machine. 

I don’t know about you, but I can tell you what I don’t want for Christmas.