New Southern Dad: Family game night, or how Monopoly reveals the depravity of man

Monopoly is widely recognized as the world’s most popular board game. Conservative estimates say that 500 million people enjoy this tabletop pastime. Who knows how many families have been ruined and friendships destroyed with a piece landing on the Boardwalk space adorned with a hotel.

A standard game of Monopoly typically lasts one to three hours, according to the rule book. One documented game however, lasted about 70 days and was certainly played by people who devoutly loved each other or severely wished to see the other die an agonizing death. Nothing, and I mean nothing, should ever last that many days.

This innocent game of property investment and driving your competition to the poor house has a long, twisted back story. It began as anti-capitalist propaganda, a way to promote wealth redistribution and oppose land owning monopolies. That was in 1908, and people quickly realized that a game that nobody wins is not a game at all. And why wouldn’t you want to be a land tycoon?

So, about a quarter of a century later, another person, who clearly had a better sense of humor and drive to make money, changed the rules of the game to glorify the very thing it was created to destroy. The Parker Brothers company bought the concept, and the rest, as they say, is history. Now there are several variations of Monopoly, even one that glorifies the cheating that many players are prone to do anyway, all with the same goal of bankrupting your opponents.

Somewhere along the way, the notion of a family game night was touted as a way for parents and children to connect with each other, probably by board game companies seeking to gain more market share in an entertainment/leisure industry that embraces all things electronic.

Regular events of families gathering around the table to enjoy a game supposedly has great benefits. It boosts cognitive development, relieves stress and creates familial bonds and routines that last a lifetime.

I love a good tabletop game, board, card or otherwise. I’ve spent countless hours over the years whiling away the hours with a game, some of which become very competitive and even divulged into arguments (Note: If you are related to a college professor, never agree to a game of Trivial Pursuit, unless you like feeling stupid). However, I’m sad to report that I seldom get up from a family game night happy to have held a family game night. The depravity of man comes on full display when my children roll the dice. The desire to win, at any cost, prevails over all the manners and sensibilities I have instilled over the years. We can’t get a game of checkers in, let alone a round of Monopoly.

I blame myself. I don’t go easy on my offspring. What better way to teach the harshness of life than by kicking their butts at a board game. Yes, I charge full rent when they land on my hotel-developed Boardwalk square.

The game is called “Monopoly,” not “be nice to your free-loading children.”

We should probably take up family walks.